IF THE SKY IS BLUE SAY ITS BLUE!
Mar 28, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yge5DjMF2L4

[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
good morning and welcome to Thursday yes
the cold continues but I am carrying
around my handy dandy tissues and I am
starting to feel better thank goodness
because oh that stuff was gnarly gnarly
gnarly um yesterday I was going like
stir-crazy beyond stir-crazy I I needed
to get out of the house for a little bit
but I don't have a lot of energy nor I
don't think my lungs can control like I
I don't think they could handle walking
through like a big store right now
because they're still very congested and
so I was like what can I do like I just
want to walk around and go look at a
store and do something get some fresh
air see different sights than my green
walls so I asked Ollie I was like baby
do you mind if I go down to Walgreens
which is a local pharmacy here it's like
literally three minutes from my house
and I wanted to go and look at their
makeup and he was like yeah that's fine
to me if you want to go you can go and
most of y'all know I'm not a makeup
where I think my sickness has gotten the
best of me in the sense that I feel so
just fugly I feel so gross and what's
wrong honey
esra want how was she supposed to give
you popcorn is it in a bag take care of
the popcorn situation anyways I just
feel so just blah I don't feel good
obviously so being sick doesn't help you
know in the whole the whole thing of
just filling ugly and gross and
everything in between so I went down to
Walgreens and I started looking around
and I was looking at makeup and when I
say I don't wear makeup I really don't
wear makeup so I really clearly did not
know what I was looking bad I did not
know I didn't know the first thing I
seen concealers and shimmers and like
four different types of foundations
powder foundation stick foundations
liquid foundations you name it type of
foundation I don't know anything about
any of that I've never studied any of it
as much as I've watched videos I don't
know what I'm looking at so none of it
made sense to me I didn't know what
brand to use started looking at more
makeup and I'm like seen like $30 for a
thing of foundation I'm like oh that's
out of my budget I ain't paying 30 bucks
to paint my face come home and use some
acrylic paint
hahahahahaha put some war paint on so I
was just like no not gonna do it so then
I kept looking and stuffing so I came a
pic face scrubs and things like that and
I thought you know that would be kind of
nice you know I haven't bought a face
scrub you know in a while and I thought
maybe you know something like that would
help I've been going through like really
bad severe dry skin like up in my
forehead and stuff well it's not right
now but um dry skin and you know so I
thought well maybe
would help me feel a little bit better
so when I was there where is my purpose
I picked up mom let's see I picked up
this is called the mask
Esper experts free man feeling beautiful
hydrating glacier water plus pink pony
gel cream mask leave on masks instantly
calms and softens for glowing skin all
skin types anti-pollution and so I
picked this up an oh my gosh you guys so
I put it in my little face scrubber
thing do you think I put it on and oh my
face feels so soft like it really really
works and you just it says drench your
skin in dewy hydration and protect from
environmental pollution with the
lightweight Levon gel cream facial mask
refreshing glacier water replenishes dry
skin while soothing pink pony pony pony
I don't know what it's called the queen
of flowers della clay comes for petal
soft skin indulged in radiance a
day-night applied to clean face and neck
avoiding contact with eyes and hairline
leave in for 10 to 15 minutes all day or
overnight the gel cream absorbs into the
skin with nohrin need to rinse and no
need to worry about getting it on your
pillow use twice per week or as often as
needed my face is going through such a
dry spell right now and I don't know I
don't know if it's because I've been
sick I don't know I don't know if it's
been because it's been kind of going on
before then but this stuff is like I'm
not kidding you I know I'm going to try
and open it this stuff is like amazing I
don't even think you guys to be able to
see it but it's just like a cream and I
literally put it on twice last night
just because I was just like my skin
just soaked it up so quick so I bought
that and this stuff is amazing like I'm
not kidding you and I want to say it was
like four dollars or five dollars so
that's not bad for the
I also picked up so after that dried in
then I picked up a vino active Naturals
daily moisturizing lotion lotion and I
just applied that after a long with not
all of my um my aquifer healing ointment
advanced therapy for my lips because my
lips have been dry and then last but not
least I picked up this it's called love
beauty and planet coconut water and
mimosa flower radical refresher shower
list cleaning mist now I take a shower
every single day but I love to like have
different type of sprays that you could
spray on yourself like little spritz I
think they're called so this one is for
freshness on the go spray a spread
evenly on skin let air dry for 30
seconds or grab a towel and you'll be
done in no time well for me I don't
spray it on my skin cuz I take showers
so I don't have that issue but ever had
a shower without water well no I I
believe in washing your body with water
but I like to spray this on my my
clothes oh the smell is so amazing it's
got like that coconutty okay hold on
just a second okay that coconutty
tropical I can't smell it because the
caps on and I can't smell it well yes I
can I can smell it just it takes me back
to like I don't know like it just I love
the smell of it so I picked that up and
this was and you just shake it a little
bit just to mix up all the stuff and
this was I want to say four dollars and
then what honey
okay and then I picked this up for s her
because her eczema has been like bad on
the back of her legs so I went ahead and
picked that up for her and it's already
calmed it down a lot so anyways so
instead of
spending money on makeup I went ahead
and I spent money on hydrating my face
and making my skin feel better hey go
out please give mommy a few minutes okay
so I did that and then shopping dork and
then I came back home and Ollie had
dinner ready so I ate some dinner and
then what else did I do I think it was
it I didn't really I didn't do any
crafting yesterday I just I really took
the day just down just relaxing so but
today I feel so much better
I really do I sound not as good but I
really do feel good so I think today I'm
gonna get out and go and do a little
something with the family let us see
some mother's things than just up walls
because Lee's going nods and we're about
all ready to kill each other oh and I
did this on Jeremiah last night I put
that one on his nose in his chin because
he's breaking out really bad which I
bought him um oh my gosh I can't think I
love me no that's not the name of it I
know it's in a red and black the thing I
got it from Costco it was like 40 bucks
for like for facial washes and I bought
it for him to start washing his face
every day because his poor face he's
gonna have serious pimple issues and so
I told him I'm like you need to start
washing your face every morning and
every night that is your responsibility
I'm gonna get him one of those face
scrubbers too they're not expensive I
think it was like $39 at Costco all he
said so I'm gonna buy him one of those
so he can keep that put away and he
washes his face every single day twice a
day because I don't want him to have
like acne scarring and stuff like that
and he doesn't pick at his face once in
a while he'll ask me to release the
pressure on some of them and I do but I
just very gently just poke it and
I don't sit and squeeze and squeeze the
squeeze so I don't want his face too
like I said get where it's you know
messed up because of that so let's get a
book out and let's get some readin on
because I did read my book yesterday I
was just like and my daughter got ahold
of my bookmark oh my gosh my daughter
got ahold of my bookmark really yeah she
sure did
okay so we're going to be plain uh let's
find where we're at in the book
[Music]
okay so we are on February 24th it
wasn't hard to find but maybe I dropped
it out maybe it wasn't because it was in
my drawer so I really need to invest in
a bookmark let me tell you I need a
bookmark I mean this thing has come in
handy though I will tell you that
okay February 24th today I affirm that I
will ask for the help I need rather than
trying to keep it all together
what remains hidden cannot heal Wow Wow
let's read that again today I affirm
that I will ask for the help I need
rather than trying to keep it all
together
what remains hidden cannot heal and that
is so true like you know I find
sometimes when I'm really worked up or
I'm frustrated I'm so sorry
the light is horrible right now the
sun's like Shannon at least you guys can
tell that I've got the sunny weather on
my side but you know it's it's easy for
me to just close up and not talk about
you know what's going on or what's
bothering me or if I need help
and when I say help I'm not talking like
physical help but like help emotionally
sometimes I can box my feelings up cuz
I've done that for so long I've done
that since I was little as you know I
was sometimes made to feel guilty about
having issues or having problems and
meeting that extra help or that extra
attention on a matter I was made to feel
guilty about that and so for me I am
very quick to shine it off and be like
oh no it's okay it's okay I don't need
to help I don't need you know and I'll
try and be quiet
rather than stopping and saying no you
know what
I do need the help can you meet me in
the middle can we can we work this out
I will bottle those problems up and then
they'll never get talked about and what
happens is eventually those feelings
will boil and fester so much that it
becomes a crater inside of me and then
it just explodes and that's you don't
want that you you know when you explode
is when words are gonna spew that you
didn't mean or that you didn't want to
say and they end up hurting people
really bad and you don't want that and I
was always so very guilty of that for a
very very long time I didn't discuss the
problems that I had or I didn't discuss
things that I needed to discuss you know
yesterday me and my mom kind of kind of
got into it a little bit not really but
kinda um hold on just a minute you guys
I'm gonna fix that curl okay sorry I
went ahead and fixed that curtain'd get
that son out of my face it was like
shining so bright I could hardly see
what I was doing but anyways we kind of
had a little bit of an out yesterday and
it wasn't like an argument that's per se
but so I am the type of person that if
somebody says the sky is purple and I
really do see that it's blue I'll go
along with the person that says that the
sky is purple because I don't want to
offend them that they're saying the
wrong thing I don't want to upset them I
don't want to have confrontation so I
will just agree that the sky is purple
when in reality I see it's blue and I
know that it's blue but you know I can't
say that it's blue because that would
upset somebody and I've been that way
all my life I don't think that there's
ever been in time where I've never been
that type of a person I think I've
always been that type of a person that
kind of goes back to a couple videos ago
when I
was saying I don't like confrontation
I'm a peacemaker I I want to see people
getting along and you know things like
that and that's kind of the same thing
as you know I don't want to call people
out on their wrongs because I don't want
to be the person to upset somebody so
yesterday me and my mom were having a
conversation I'm eating a mint to
hopefully open up some my cap my sinus
cavities so sorry I have something in my
mouth how rude in because it will help
with my throat a little bit so anyways
we were talking and she was telling me
something that was going on in her home
and how somebody that was staying there
she found this person had been drinking
and it's against the home rules to have
alcohol in the home because you know my
mom can't have that stuff around her
because of being on parole so she has to
be really careful like what's brought
into her home and stuff like that and
and I totally understand that I mean I
100% respect that like a long time ago
she stayed with me when she very first
got out of prison the first well this
would have been I don't even know when
this this was the time before she went
back this last time she had gotten out
and I brought her in to live with me and
one of the biggest rules was you're not
to use drugs or use drink alcohol in my
home like that's just an absolute big
no-no and you know I understand you're
an adult and you could do what you want
but you're not gonna do that at my house
and so I told her that you know those
were bad thing so uh anyways if I I want
to say like two months maybe even three
months went by and I started noticing
things kind of going downhill with her
but again back to the whole I don't want
to say anything to upset anybody or make
anybody mad and I so I tried to turn a
blind eye on it although I knew
something
I knew something was going on I just
couldn't pinpoint exactly but I knew
there was something and anyways so I
talked to her about it and or no I
didn't talk to her about it sorry
one night she had come home it was like
and my the other rule was you're in my
home by 9:00 o'clock or my doors are
locked
I'm not gonna leave my doors open all
night long for people just to come in
and out of my house whenever they feel
like it like I know that that sounds
like you know trying to be a parent to
her but in a way it kind of needed to be
so it was like midnight and she hadn't
been home yet and I was getting ready to
go to work the next day so I had to go
to bed like I mean life goes on for me
so I locked the door and about an hour
later I wake up to her pounding on my
door and I'm like what in the world is
going on
so I come down the stairs and I opened
the door and she's like why do you think
I do when lock in that door and big ol
Fiasco happened well she end up
barricading me in the bathroom it was
just as big a long thing but when it
comes down to is long story short I
ended up asking you know to leave that
night I was like you know what your
actions are affecting me and I you know
this is my home you know I brought you
in here hoping to help you but I'm not
gonna be taken over either and it was so
hard from you guys so hard for me
because right then and there
I had to finally just like let out all
my feelings that I had been bottling not
for a couple months knowing I knew
something was up with her so it ended up
that I had to call the cops to get her
escorted out of my house because she was
just ballistic and she end up going and
staying somewhere else well and the few
days after that I was cleaning the room
and I had found a vodka bottle behind a
stuffed animal and it just broke my
heart
like I was just I cried and I cried and
I cried I was just like I'm such a
failure because here I can't even
control what my mom's doing and that
shouldn't be my jaw I shouldn't be
having to control my mom but
we you know roles were reversed and they
still are to this day pretty much but
it's its own story but you know it just
it is what it is and so I never said
anything to her I never brought it to
her attention and I don't know if she
even remembers at this point well until
the other day yesterday so yesterday now
to fast forward she's telling me what
happened and with a girl that's teen
there and how she found out this girl
was dragged a minge you know she had to
ask this lady to leave because you know
she can't be drinking in the home yet
Eid gotta and she was just downright
talking this lady for drinking vodka and
I was like what's the difference though
mom I was like you did that to me she
was like no hey dad dad I mean she got
mad at first I thought she was playing
like I thought she was joking and when
she was like saying she didn't and all
this stuff and I'm like she's not joking
like she really I don't think things are
remember so she was drinking in my home
I was like yes mom you did she's like oh
my god you make me sound like I'm an
alcoholic I'm like never did I say
you're an alcoholic
now however I'm not gonna deny that you
did drink when you lived with me I would
never say those things to anybody had it
been just a few months ago but I'm
learning how I have to speak up and save
my feelings and you know and confront
the situation and it wasn't a confirmed
situation type thing that I needed to
confront but I did bring up something
that I normally wouldn't bring up
because I would be afraid that oh my god
I'm upsetting her so she was like oh my
god I never drink hard alcohol and I'm
like well you did drink vodka when he
lived with me I was like I found it I
found it after you moved out and I was
cleaning the room out you were drinking
in my home after I told you not to drink
she was like oh my
you made it sound like I was a drinker
when you were little I was like hold
that no where were we talking about my
childhood and I don't remember what you
did with me as a child when it came to
drinking I know about that drugs because
that literally physically affected me
because I got poked with the needles so
hello yes I do know about that
now alcohol I don't really remember her
drinking when I was little but it didn't
it wouldn't have affected me if she did
or not because she always was sleeping
off for drugs anyway so it didn't make a
difference to me
now I'm not bringing this up to bash my
mother please don't think that that's
what I'm doing but these are experiences
that I have experienced in my life and
where I am today and how this reading
really touches bases because if I
wouldn't have done what the book said
yesterday by speaking up and saying what
I felt and just let her continue to
think that I believed that she didn't
drink in my home or that she never went
against rules when she lived with other
people that would have been me working
against what this book is saying but see
the book has been working so well with
me that I did speak up and I did say yes
you did drink vodka yes you did drink
alcohol yes you did go against the rules
of my home when I asked you not to drink
in my home and I said you know and
that's why now I know when you would ask
for the orange juice I knew you were
spiking your orange juice so then she
goes in to say oh my god so now every
time I ask for introduced our juice at
your house you're gonna think I'm
spiking now I'm like what are you
talking about I was like nobody ever
said that I said that was when you lived
with me last time that's been um well
over ten years ago because you went back
to prison and spent seven years in
prison and you've been out a couple of
years since then so no I'm not saying
that you would do it now I'm saying what
you did in the past so don't forget
you've been there before is what was
what was the whole reason that I was
bringing this
and the beginning for the conversation
to start out so yeah you know don't ever
feel like you have to hide your feelings
and not ask for help or not be truthful
to yourself out of fear of others
feelings because at the end of the day
the only person you're hurting is
yourself because at the end of the day
when this situation arises again you
already have a brewing crater started
from the previous conversations and the
previous attacks that have happened that
when this conversation or this action
happens again you're going to explode
because it's already been brewing within
you from previous times rather than just
spewing it then closing it up and
letting it go and not holding on to it
it will just feel you'll feel so much
more freer like when I got off the phone
yesterday I was so proud of myself and I
even thought about it after the fact and
thought wow I can't believe that I
really addressed that and said that the
way I did I said it very respectfully I
said it very kindly and calm but I was
honest and that's what it has to start
out with is you have to be honest and
you have to tell people right away what
those feelings are being said to you
because your feelings matter just as
much as their feelings better your
conscience is speaking to you to say hey
no this situation happened before and
you were guilty and those you know in
that bubble so don't shine light on
somebody and act like you've never been
in that situation because you have been
and now you could take what your actions
were put yourself in those actions and
now and see how you can handle the
situation because I think the way that
my mom sometimes works is she likes to
sometimes stir the pot that doesn't need
to be stirred but that's here there
that's a whole nother thing that's a
whole nother topic that's a whole nother
day's worth of work but yeah so anyways
um that was what really happened
yesterday
wasn't really a lot like I said I went
down to Walgreens and got that facial
stuff I got some little Mickey pants not
the white Mickey pants but the blue
Mickey pants with the stripes on the
side yeah I bought those ones and he's
going to be taking those back today
because they were 15 dollars and I can
get them on but they're still pretty
tight on my stomach area and so when I
sit down I feel like my whole pants are
coming off my butt ain't gonna fly I
ain't about showing that big old booty
off
so I told Holly I was like I think I'm
gonna take those back that's 15 bucks I
could literally go get another thing of
epoxy for $15
well actually cheaper than $15 so I
might do that I don't know I need to do
something just to get out of the house
so he ran down to his friend's lot to
help for a little bit and then he's
gonna come back home and then we're
gonna find out what trouble we can get
into see I think that's it
oh I wanted to show you another cup that
I got done hold on so I'm gonna make it
so very clear today okay let me myself
so my newest creation is the x-files I
want to believe and I left it a little
bit where you can kind of see gray in it
because the x-files kind of has a little
bit of gray in it so anyways I want to
believe the x-files and then on the
bottom it's a UFO so I did that one this
is the brand that I will for now be
using built brand this is hose Ark this
one was quite hard for me to actually
use it's extra heavy yeah this brand I
will not be using again just FYI I had a
really hard time with this one this one
was a little bit of a challenge for me
so I will for now be using
the built or the bubble brand those are
the ones that i will be using i also
have my acrylic cups as well that i can
use i have my coffee mugs that i can do
and then I also have these water cups
that I can use which have a big the big
mouth on him I can also do those but I
will no longer be using the Ozark brand
because it was it was a toughy for me it
turned out really good
but I really did have a little bit of a
difficult time more so with this one
than any of the other ones also I wanted
to let you guys know I have this one on
sell this one on sell I actually am
dropping the price on my tumblers so I
will be selling this one for 25 plus
shipping now I am gonna say that the
shipping when we shipped Susie by the
C's tumbler which was just like my built
one
it cost me $14 for shipping so shipping
is a little bit spendy err but this one
is 25 this one is also 25 I'm dropping
the price on all of my tumblers
these ones are 15 my acrylics are 15 and
these ones are 15 so these are 15 also I
have this one that's 15 these are 15 I'm
gonna be decorating this one though and
this size is 25 25 25 25
so I drastically chopped my pricing in
half so so you guys know so if you guys
are interested in getting a order in
feel free I will make anything you guys
want I can also do some pre-ordered ones
that I have that you guys can buy right
off this one is ready
for a new home it says live laugh and
love and it is in there and I have a
little it's a little paper just says for
the directions light it says handmade
with care hand wash only please don't
scrub
please don't soak not microwave
dishwasher safe thank you and I put
those in each of my cups for a little
reminder but they are this one's a Bubba
brand and it's a 24 ounce I believe and
this one is a 30 ounce so anyways yes so
I have this one that is for sale this
one it says beach please it's the same
brand Bubba brand it's got the double
insulated these ones like I said are 15
they are also double insulated on them I
have used not this one but I've used one
that I had messed up on and it does not
sweat there's nothing on them like it
does not the everything stays just
perfect
so anyways these are 15 these are 25
plus shipping so just so you guys know
anyways I hope you guys are taking care
I appreciate everybody's love shares and
love comments I appreciate it all and I
will check in here soon take care of you
guys
bye bye
